Early morning and the sound of rain falling against the skylight window greets me. The plish, plosh, dibble, dopp creates an untold symphony washing away any sadness. I open the skylight and smell the air. The wind gallantly rushes past my nose to deliver a waft of rain. It has freshly fallen only to be graciously caught by Gaia herself. My senses feel roused and present. Grey clouds masquerade with foreboding as splinters of light find a way to twist and turn through the dullness. I think about how happy and relieved the trees must feel.

I’ve noticed a painful theme in my encounters with men within the field of Spirituality. It began with a previous relationship and a blog titled Teachers Keep it in your Trousers. It turned out candidly writing about my experiences didn’t go down well with a few people. Particularly those I was referring to in the article, both of whom asked me to take it down. Energetically I’m in a different space to what I was when I wrote that article.

Nevertheless I made the decision to leave it up. I wanted to honour the valid feelings that arose in me at that time. Transparency and authenticity are values I’m always aspiring to embody.

Since then I’ve come across other teachers who have appeared to be ‘out of alignment’, without integrity, unable or unwilling to acknowledge it. Instead using their ‘spirituality’ to bypass and justify the natural attraction that arises between woman and man. Yes attraction is natural, we all know that, but does that mean we must ‘act’ upon it unconsciously?

On the surface many onlookers would never suspect that these facilitators take advantage of their position of power, and are otherwise wonderful teachers with big hearts.

I was curious why this had recently crept into my experience again. The first thing I did was ask myself “How I was being out of integrity with myself?”. The world is my kind teacher and mirror always showing me where I’m living in my Consciousness. If you want to know what you really believe beyond ‘intellectualising’, then look no further than the interactions you have with those that are a part of your journey. It’s pretty clever how the whole world is set up to mirror to us our beliefs about ourselves and what we feel about the world in general, whether we feel it’s safe, whether we’re loved and supported.

Out of Integrity with the ‘self’

SubsequentIy I found a whole bunch of ways where I was out of integrity with my word, which was quite sobering. It’s difficult to sit down and look at all the ways in which we are not being honest with ourselves and others.

Sometimes I was saying one thing, but then my actions where wobbly veering off in the opposite direction. It’s kind of like when you’re in the company of someone who’s had one too many glasses of red wine. You kinda feel embarrassed for them… I wasn’t being congruent with my word, that’s a painful place to be in but it’s a place many of us experience. This was then emulated in my interactions with others.

That’s not to say we can’t ‘call out’ or hold others accountable for their behaviour and actions. I don’t believe in punishment but I believe it’s useful for each of us to know the ‘impact’ our actions have upon others. We don’t excuse another’s behaviour simply because it’s serving to show in congruous aspects of our character or experience.

Once I became more aware of where I wasn’t being in integrity with myself I had a few choices to make. Did I wish to continue down the same path and relive similar scenarios or make different choices, cultivate new habits and live into a different experience? To tune into a different frequency of Consciousness.

Simple things to ask to realign

  • Rather than look at things as wrong/right good/bad ask yourself this action I’m about to make, how does it affect this person, is it regressive or progressive? Is my heart expanding or contracting when I do this? 
  • To align into a deeper level of integrity with myself it’s useful for me to have people around me who can hold me ‘accountable’, not judge me but remind me of my original intention and commitments.
  • When others kindly mirror ‘out of alignment’ to me I can ask myself “Where am I being out of alignment with what I believe in and stand for?” if I’m honest with myself and find I’m not being out of alignment (which usually isn’t the case!) then what call to action am I being encouraged to take? e.g. Honour my feelings, let my voice be heard.
  • If I’m being in congruent with my actions then it’s likely I’m self-sabotaging myself. Finding ways to love all of me, including my flaws HAS to be made a number one priority.
  • How would I show up if I was BEING my word? What practical actionable steps and structure would I lovingly implement? e.g I would spend less time being distracted by internet surfing, Facebook, I would shift my focus to doing things that would move me forwards such as writing in my blog, sharing my gifts, spending time with people who nourish me.

It’s important to let others know how we feel and where boundaries have been crossed. Our feelings and emotions compassionately let us know when this is the case. Listening to and honouring them through open communication is essential.

Trust is the foundation upon which we’re bound to ourselves and each other. When we go to Teachers and Guides we’re in a vulnerable space, we trust that they will hold a space for us without a hidden agenda.

Sex as a Sacred act of union

Sex is a sacred act. The coming together of two merging energies and our innate vulnerability. In a modern world starved of emotional intimacy, Sex can be reduced to a fleeting encounter. There’s nothing inherently wrong or bad with a ‘casual sexual encounter’ it can be something enjoyable and passionate for those involved, but more often than not it’s masking a deeper underlying pain. A need that is not being met, an insecurity that is being nourished through attention from others.

It’s the context in which a person engages and their original intention for that sexual encounter that matters, and whether that’s clearly expressed and honoured. Ultimately no matter our background, profession or spiritual beliefs we desire to be cherished and valued. Loving the self is all an inside job, if that’s not what we’re meeting in our external reality then we must first look to ourselves.

We’ve become accustomed to seeing Sex everywhere, it’s used to sell everything. The way it’s advertised operates on very low vibrational level that is then commercialised as ‘normal’. Having a ‘cheeky shag’ for instance is considered quite normal in English life! Thus we have birthed a society that over sexualises, including our young children.

There is also the opposite spectrum, in some cultures even talking about Sex is considered an abomination to mankind! Growing up within an Indian culture where the roles of men and women are heavily defined felt stifling (ironic given that the Karma Sutra originated in India).

Nourishing an Eastern Mentality in a Western Framework brings with it many challenges. It can make for an identity crises and much confusion whilst growing up. Having also lived in China, Singapore and India it’s clear that the cultural agreements and frequencies are very different in these societies. They each hold their positive vibration and their shadow counterpart.

One of these people who is operating from his Shadow and out of integrity is at the same time a person I look up to and love! This contradiction has caused within me a big internal conflict. I have confronted this person about my feelings regarding his behaviour towards women, which I readily ‘feel’ as a harmful act against myself. But in his mind he equates his actions to be ‘loving’ and in alignment. As an Empath whenever another sister is dishonoured in some way, it feels like a violation against myself.

This person is a well loved teacher, by aligning myself with this person I feel as though I’m jeopardising my own integrity. I’ve thought long and hard about this. I was invited to apprentice under this teacher and have decided for the time being not to attend as much as it breaks my heart. In every other way possible this person is a magical being, but when it comes to the topic of whom he shares himself with and how he goes about it, it feels like I’m speaking to a stranger.

Teachers, Healers, Facilitators and Dreamers who blur these boundaries don’t appear to realise how damaging and hurtful their actions are to the women with whom they involve themselves.

It’s unconscious behaviour from otherwise conscious people, affecting the field in which we’re all working to facilitate this New Emerging Consciousness.

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