Some people fear failure, others success. I’m one of those curious creatures that precariously plays hopscotch with the latter. There’s a great deal many of us meandering the urban cityscape. You may recognise us within the homes of your living quarters, lolling about the office, savoring a Mcflurry ice-cream on the sidewalk. Collectively we hold one thing in common. We don’t believe we deserve success – or failure for that matter –
The mere thought of it causes our nostrils to flare, heart to flutter, and fills us with feelings of both dread and bliss. I recently identified deep crevices of resistance and self-sabotage in many aspects of my life. Where does this extraordinary self-defeating thought pattern stem from?
It’s understood most woe and transgression can be traced back to a time when the much loved Thunder Cats – Ho! – graced our TV screens (so glad for having incarnated as a child of the 80’s) When we where children our vulnerability, innocence and inquisitive nature served as an open canvas for our care givers.
In this regard we can be likened to that of a painting. The brush that paints the canvas is the parent or care giver.
Some brushes are clearly coarser and in some cases thicker than others! Others remain gentle and thoughtful – like a Claude Monet painting – Sometimes paint is splashed onto the canvas in enthusiasm, with a touch of carelessness but still manages to produce a Jackson Pollock masterpiece. What is it about our childhood that has such a stronghold over us?
Every child is imbued with a wisdom that comes not with age but from the depths of the soul.
Adults then make it their business to quash this innate knowledge through heavy conditioning and ingrained beliefs, which do little to serve the magic and wonder of a childs heart. A young child will readily adopt anything being spoon-fed to it. If their environment is violent, unsafe and traumatic rest assured their self-perception will mirror these qualities manifesting in poor self-esteem.
If they are repeatedly told they’re a failure and wont amount to much, they will integrate this belief as truth and view it as a reflection of their internal worth. These beliefs systems will come to shape a persons reality in later years.
We can see that the saboteur within is a friend – albeit a pesky one – who learned very early on in life to keep us in our comfort zone thus protecting us from the cruel ways of the world.
It may have built barriers so that we wouldn’t feel so vulnerable, mocked by others, rejected from an unconscious society or have to suffer the pain inflicted upon us from a family member.
Rest assured we can always count on our good ole’ chum to ensure we don’t take too many risks – least of all risk opening our hearts to others – play it small and watch The Simpsons just as we always have. The saboteur may not even have developed until later years, but can be pin pointed to a series of events that then formed neural pathways and destructive behaviours. The two notable ones that come to mind are procrastination and avoidance in the form of distraction.
Ultimately both stem from fear – which we’ve already established can be traced back to our childhood or at the very least an event that shook us –
Sometimes the closer we become to living our dream and life purpose, the more resistance we find.
Purposefully we place obstacles in our path to keep ourselves from reaching a healthy dwelling. These obstacles can be subtle forms of resistance that we’re unaware of. Every choice we make from our inner circle of friends, partner – or lack of – to the apartment in which we sleep speak volumes about our psyche and whether we’re in resistance or open to receiving.
The other biggie is shrinking into the shadows so as to not make others feel insecure about their own lives, but by hiding our head in the sand we do ourselves and others a great disservice. Many times it can feel as though we’re stumbling in the dark, but a voice from the depths of our being urges us to continue with our endeavours. How do we allow this inner voice to become our autopilot instead of the voice of reason, which so often undermines our dreams?
This blog is Part I of a two part article. Join me for Part II whereby we’ll explore together some fun techniques that’ll get us into the cosmic swing of things. Let the adventure begin!